tightshorts

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back. Danno's about to give me a mind-blowing blow job."

Originally posted by dr_is_in at Copied via quite a few other places.....not sure of the original source...

so, I heard this rumor you can use journals on livejournal to rant about how crappy your life is.


you may become my new best friend, HEADS UP.

Title: The Five Times Merlin got hurt because of Gwen and Arthur
Rating: PG-13 to light R
Warnings/Spoilers: Historical Inaccuracies, mentioned Suicide, Death by poisoned food, Bullying, Getting hit by cars, somewhat teenage antics, death/suicide by poisoned wine, some angst, and maybe a little awesomeness?
Summary: Because in the end, Merlin would always be hopelessly in love with Arthur, Gwen would be the person stopping them from being together, and Morgana usually played a big part in making sure Merlin felt the sting of being heart broken.

/One\

Matthew stared at Anton. More specifically his nether regions. Which was currently being decorated with a lavishly showy codpiece.

"... Anton..."

Anton, being the bossy, controlling prat he was interrupted Matthew before he could even figure out what he was going to say. "Gertrude sent it. Something about gifts before our marriage."

"Really?" Matthew said looking quite amused. "Does it fit?" he asked suggestively.

"Yes, but..." Anton's fact contorted in the way it usually did when he was trying to remember something. "How old while you when you were my father's concubine?"

"I..." Matthew flushed. Anton had figured him out already.

"When your hair used to be long the women would mistake you for female all the time. Even I made the mistake." Anton smiled somewhat warmly at Matthew. "Now what do you want to tell me?"

"Some women will send their future husbands codpieces to see how big they are. They will make the codpiece in the size they want. If it gets sent back because it is too big, they go about finding a lover to bring with them. If it gets sent back because it's too small, they hurry to come as quickly as they can."

"Did Madelyn do that to you?" Anton asked genuinely curious.

Matthew shook his head. "How many times do I need to explain this Anton?"

"I don't believe my father would do that." Anton stated, as stubborn as ever. "He would not take a child to bed."

Matthew let out an annoyed sigh. " It's not for him, it's for you. If the child is born within the next three years, and you and Lady Gertrude produce a heir, the ages will be perfect."

"If anything I want our children to fall in love Matthew, like we did. I don't want your child to be my, or my heir's concubine."

Matthew looked serious. "I will not let my child fall in love with your's the way I fell in love with you. I do not want to deal with a heart broken child when you have to marry your heir off to someone. Madelyn would never let it happen either. I can already tell she's planning something big for our child, and I doubt she'll let our off-spring follow in our foot steps."

"Because having the prince and king wrapped around your fingers is so terrible." Anton said looking cross.

"More like having the two of us wrapped around royalty's cocks."

"Matthew!" Anton said sounding vexed.

"I'm not going to take that back because it's true."

Anton just ignored him. "I'm busy Matthew, so if you don't have anything productive to do here, try to find somewhere that you do."

Matthew was planning to do just that, but as he stomped out of the room, he tripped over the large box that Gertrude had sent to Arthur. Stone ground was hard, and the fall shattered Matthew's knee-cap.

It never fully healed, and while he was bed-ridden, Anton and Gertrude had married. Madelyn never left his side, and two days after Gertrude gave birth to Alexander, Matthew and Madelyn conceived a child.

While Alexander was tan with golden locks that gleam in the sun, Marie was pale and glows in the moon light. When she is five, men of the court were already leering at her. The King dies and Anton takes his place. Marie is 11 when she is summoned to the king's room. Instead of going she runs to her parents and sobs into their arms. Before Anton can contact the guards Madelyn and Marie have escaped his small kingdom. Matthew wouldn't have been able to make the trip so he stays.

Gertrude is kind, and is appalled when she learns of what Anton had asked for. She too runs away, but for much less noble reasons. She leaves with one of Anton's knights, Luke. Matthew doesn't leave.

Anton takes many lovers, younger and younger until Alexander himself puts a stop to it. By killing him.

Alexander takes the throne at seventeen, and the people cheer. The day he is crowned Matthew struggles up one of the towers and throws himself off of it.

Stone ground is still hard.

//Two\\

Martin is one of the smartest people in the country, so Anthony has no problems marrying his daughter off to him, in return for Martin's brain. With Martin, Camel's stocks doubles in just under two months. Of course,

Martin makes sure Angela, Anthony's daughter, is well taken care of. She lives in a beautiful house surrounded by a beautiful garden.

But Angela was a tycoon's daughter, and had never once tended to a garden. So after a bit of complaining and pestering, Martin got George, an old friend of his, to do it.

Martin was far to busy working for Angela's father to make it home for more than one day a week, and yet Angela never seemed to mind.

Then Martin came home to an empty house. Aside from the front of the house(the only place Martin ever looked) the garden didn't looked like it had been taken care of. The note Angela left explained why pretty well.

She had run off with George to go live in New York, and finally achieve her dream of being an actress. Martin hadn't even known that she had wanted to be an actress.

As he walked through the mess of rose bushes to get to the sheers in the garden shed he got caught on a trap left to catch small animals that would wander into the garden. He felt his ankle crack. The trap was old and rusted, and he wasn't able to pry the thing off of his leg. He knew no one would be at his house, and he also knew he had no water or food. Dying from dehydration wasn't too bad the first two days, because he was surrounded by beautiful flowers. The third day wasn't all that horrible because he hallucinated. The flowers seemed to dance around him.

His last thought was if anyone would come and look for him.

They didn't.

A young woman named Marcie moved into the house when she ran away from her parents. Sometimes she would talk to the flowers. Sometimes they would listen.

///Three\\\

Andrew had thought Mary was a boy when they first met. This was to be expected, both of Mary's parents had wanted a baby boy. She went by her last name more than her first, and she had short hair.

But then Andrew Pratt came into her life, and she stopped being a tomboy, and started looking like a woman.
Andrew Pratt was a sweet caring man, who like to tease Mary all the time. She thought of it as flirting, and so did much of the people who worked with her. In fact, the only person who ever told her it wouldn't work out was Matt, the janitor. But he wasn't a scientist, and Mary didn't think he had ever been married, or in love, so she ignored him.

But then Andrew got engaged to Gina, his secretary. Mary then spent a lot of time with Matt, because he was the only one who didn't give her the 'I'm-so-sorry-that-happened-to-you looks'.

Around the same time, three worms she had been experimenting with end up needing to test poison. She's in a bitter mood, so even though she already named the worms after medieval characters, she imagines them as someone else. Guinevere and Arthur are now Gina and Andrew, and Merlin becomes Mary. She puts poison in the food that is meant for Arthur and Guinevere.

However, the next morning Merlin is dead, and Guinevere and Arthur are alive happily burrowing through dirt. However she's preoccupied at Gina and Andrew having sex, on one of her work benches.

She wants to scream and yell and curse. She wants to tell Gina to stop being such a whore, and tell Andrew that he's being stupid, and to get off of her work bench, because their germs are probably ruining any experiments she was ever going to do there. Instead she attempts to leave quietly. She loses her footing, because of heels she bought just to impress Andrew, and falls. She reaches out to grab something to catch herself, and it's the glass case that the worms are kept in. It shatters when it hits the ground, and the glass cuts Mary's hands and wrists quite badly.

She hopes, before she fall unconscious because of blood loss, that her interruption stopped the two from having sex, and maybe left one of them traumatized.

////Four\\\\

Arthur needed to get into an art school. Because then he could get away from Dora, and spend the rest of his life in San Francisco with Francine where they could be the gayest artists in the world, and find their soul-mates.

So when Dora goes into his room and messes up all of his painting and sculptures before they've had time to dry and set, he sees red, and punches her.

His parents ground him, and take away his rights to the car. So he only gets to see Francine at school.

Then Binky (this bully, who name is unknown, but he is feared by everyone at Arthur's school) asks Francine out. She refuses, because she's never been interested in men. Binky seems to think it's because of Arthur, so he punches him.

Maybe, there's some sort of poetic justice in there. Because Arthur is older than Dora so he probably shouldn't have hit her. Just like Binky is much larger than Arthur, so he shouldn't be punching him.

Francine agrees, by breaking Binky's jaw.

Arthur can't wait to live in San Francisco with her.

/////Five\\\\\

Sometimes Aaron was golden. Like something out of the hymns Marshall had to sing at school. That he used to sing with Aaron. Or more specifically mouth the words, or say something absolutely foolish.

He usually glowed when he was playing soccer. Marshall was not an athlete, but he went to every game to support his best friend. Aaron never came to any of his Japanese tournaments, but that didn't matter.

Right now, Aaron was glowing and shimmering, and smiling, and it just wasn't fair. So instead of crossing all the way over to the other side of the cross walk, where Lance was waiting for him, he started to walk backwards. He would just go to the library, instead of McDonalds. He wasn't very hungry, and it wasn't like Aaron had even seen him yet. He was too busy staring at Wendy. Lance didn't notice, because he was staring at the same thing Marshall was.

But then the light changed, and a car swooped by not noticing Marshall, and then everybody did. Because Marshall had just been hit by a car.

While Marshall was unconscious he had a lot of time to think. He realized that all of his friends had nicknames, that he had given. That wasn't a lot because he only had three friends, and a sister who loved him. Aaron had been dubbed 'Prince' by Marshall when they had first met. Aaron thought it was because he had been such a pompous ass, and Marshall never had the guts to tell him the real reason. (The sun had reflected against Aaron's hair and looked like a crown.) Gwendolyn, who Marshall had met at a Japanese tournament, was Wendy, because of her wavy hair. His explanation was that the Wendie's girl always kept her hair braided, so it was probably wavy. Lancelot was a lot easier to explain, because Marshall had just shortened it to Lance. And then there was his sister Emily, who Marshall had named Eme when he was 10 months old. He himself had the nickname of Mars. It was given by Aaron and Emily, and he loved it in a strange way.

He wondered when he was going to wake up, but didn't care much.

He thought about Aaron, and how hopelessly in love Marshall was with him. He thought of Wendy, and how nice she was. Aaron was probably already in love with her. She was perfect after all. He even thought of Lance, because he was in the same spot as Marshall. Lance was in love with Wendy.
It was like some sort of horrible soap opera. But with better music.

If Marshall would wake up.

/And the One Time He Died for Them\

Morgana cornered Merlin right after the wedding. She spoke of all the things Arthur would do. She spoke of the crimes Arthur would do to her. She spoke of him killing Mordred. She sobbed and pleaded saying he was just a young boy. She spoke of Gwen, and how he would try to have her burned at the stake. She spoke of Lancelot and how he would die on Arthur's grave. She spoke of the kingdoms he would ravish and the people he would kill. She was hysterical, and told him that Arthur had to die.

"We have to speak. You and I are two of the closest people to Gwen and Arthur. Then we give the two of them the goblet, and they drink from it. Arthur drinks first. He refills it for Gwen, and then she drinks. I will poison the glass when I drink from it. Then you just need to not drink from it, and pass it to him." Morgana looked him in the eyes. "Please Emrys, you cannot let all of those innocent people die."

But Merlin loved Arthur. He always would. And even now that Arthur was married to Gwen, he would still love him. He could never be with him, but that didn't change anything.

But Merlin still nodded, and didn't tell anyone of Morgana's plan.

Morgana's speech was right after Uther and Gaius's. It was kind, and she spoke of her and Gwen's friendship. She barely acknowledged Arthur. Then the goblet was handed to Merlin. Merlin looked at Morgana.

It was like Nimueh all over again. Only instead of being angry over the past, Morgana was angry over the future. Angry about events that may not even happen. Planning to kill someone, over things that had never happened. Mad. Mad angry and mad crazy. He couldn't let it happen.

Morgana realized this, and her smile turned evil. She whispered a spell under her breathe. It was so simple, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. It enchanted him, and he nearly handed the goblet to Arthur. But he forced himself to resist.

"Any time now Merlin." Arthur said playfully, and a handful of nobles, knights, and servants laughed.

Merlin smiled sadly. "The two of you are perfect for each other." He managed to say. There was no need to tell Arthur to listen, or to not be a prat, Gwen could do that from now on. There was no need to tell Gwen to watch her back, because he already knew she was strong enough to. He could feel his body shaking and his magic coming undone. The uncontrolled magic would hurt everyone in the room if he didn't give Arthur the goblet soon. He could barely feel his throat. His eyes watered, but he still managed to say, "Live." He then lifted the goblet and drained the contents.

"Really, Merlin-" he hears Arthur say, and he's happy that Arthur's voice is the last one he hears.






(((I'm thinking about expanding the fifth part into a longer story. What does everyone else think?)))

(Author's Note: Anyone up for some explanations?

The first part was because of a prompt that someone gave me for codpiece porn. I didn't really get to the porn part of it, but I drew a picture for it, so I think it evens out.

The second part was fully inspired by a song called 'Roses In Paradise". I can't find it any where on YouTube, but you guys should look for it, because I think it's a really good song.

The third part was because of a talk I had with my teachers about worms.

The forth part came from a popular kids television show, but I changed a lot of things so that it would fit the story better.

The fifth part was actually from something that almost happened to me. A few years back I nearly got hit by a car walking backwards from McDonalds because I didn't want to hang out with the people in there. That part is something that might turn into a longer story if anyone would like to read it.

The sixth part is actually because of the book 'Le Morte d'Arthur.' I have to read that for my English class(but not til next quarter) Anyway, in the back when they talk about Merlin, this is what it says: 'Arthur's mentor from birth to his marriage with Gwynevere.' Since Merlin is never really mention in Legend after Arthur gets married, I played around with the thought of Merlin dying.

Of course, I never thought it would turn into this fic. But I like it, and I hope you do.)

((Characters:
Merlin: Matthew, Martin, Mary, Arthur, and Marshall
Arthur: Anton, Angela, Andrew, Binky, and Aaron
Guinevere: Gertrude, George, Gina, Dora, and Gwendolyn
Morgana: Madelyn, Marcie, Matt, Francine, and Emily
Uther: Anthony))

	One Antone and Matthew
	Two Martin
	Three Mary
	Four Binky, Francine, and Arthur
	Five Marshall (Mars) and Gwendolyn (Wendy)
	One Merlin

Title: Wants
Rating: PG/PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for episodes 2,7,9,10, and 13. Pre-Slash Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Sophia
Summary:
Author's Note: This is the follow-up to Learning. This is more Arthur's POV. I hope you enjoy this portions of the story.
Disclaimer: BBC owns Merlin.

(Additional Author's Note: This is a lot shorter than my other stories because I do not know how to write Arthur very well. I can't really figure him out, thus I get confused.)

Arthur learned quite early that he could get whatever he wanted from everyone excluding the King. Of course, up until he was 5, puppy dog eyes worked quite well for getting the toys or swords he wanted from his father. After 5, he could still have whatever he wanted, unless his father didn't allow it. Arthur got most of what he asked for.

He learned that fake smiles and false kindness worked wonders for getting what you wanted no matter what age. Of course, being Prince of Camelot helped even more.

Of course, King Uther was not the only exception. Three days after meeting Morgana, Arthur knew he would never get what he wanted from her, but she would give him what he needed. (Even if it was a lesson in common courtesy or a kick in the shin under the table if he said something impolite.) Gaius was some sort of anomaly, because he gave Arthur a mix of what he wanted, and what he needed. What he needed tended to be horrible tasting medicines, which Arthur tried(but ultimately failed) to avoid.

There were also a few old knights, some what young knights, annoying but powerful nobles, kind nobles, pretty girls, and scary servants that caused Arthur to change his wants to more practical needs, but in the end, he was usually pleased with the way things turned out. (Because it was usually his way.)

Until Merlin. Merlin didn't give Arthur what he wanted, and just barely managed to give him what he needed. But... As he had said before, there was something about Merlin that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Merlin was strange, and Arthur could never quite figure him out. And even after knowing him for almost a year, and going through more than a few death-defying experiences with him, Arthur still couldn't understand the boy.

Like how, even though Merlin was quite possibly the worst servant ever, and Arthur had fired other servants for much less, he had felt so guilty after his actions towards Valiant had forced Arthur to sack Merlin. Arthur could have any servant in the castle that he had wanted after he fired Merlin, but he didn't even go about getting a new one. He fought with Valiant, won, and proved that Valiant was using magic. (And even if Morgana hadn't been able to throw him a sword he still would have won. Really, he would've.) It unnerved Arthur a bit that he had wanted Merlin back as his servant so badly that he had some what apologized to Merlin. And aside from Uther, Morgana, and Gaius, he had never done that and meant it before.

Then there was the whole Sophia incident that left Arthur very confused. From what he could gather from hazy memories, he had wanted to marry Sophia, Morgana might have confessed her love to him, Merlin had been really supportive of Arthur and Sophia until they tried to run away together, and apparently Merlin might have been some sort of aggressive sneak that could knock people(crown princes in fact) out with pieces of wood. Arthur barely remembers wanting to marry Sophia, or anything from the few days she was there. But she's quickly forgotten when Merlin storms in covered in fruit and looking like he might be planning to get Arthur sent to the stocks. (Not that he could.)

Then Arthur needs to deal with a black knight who kills two of his knights. While everyone else in the castle, including his father, Morgana, Merlin, and Gaius told him he shouldn't. So obviously he wanted to even more after that. Of course, two of those four people were much older and a lot wiser than him, so he ended up passed out on his bed while his father fought the bloody zombie. (Because what he had heard from Merlin, the thing had exploded, and reeked of dead flesh.) He was still mad at Gaius. But Merlin's mom had to come and make Arthur have feelings.

Arthur knew he was going to Ealdor the second Uther said he couldn't help. Having Gwen and Morgana along ended up being beneficial when they encouraged the women to fight. (And those woman could fight. Even while being caught up in finding the sorcerer, he had seen one pull a man off of his horse and punch the said man in the face. He would have to rethink calling Merlin a girl. Maybe.) But Will... Will was something to Merlin. It was hard to explain, but anyone could see the love between the two of them. The way Arthur saw them tease each other, Merlin's smile, and their hug were all the components that went into Arthur's realization. That he wanted Merlin's attention, and quite possibly his affection. And then Will had to go and save his life, and also be a sorcerer, just conflicting Arthur even more. (Merlin crying also didn't help.)

There were a few more incidents after that in which Arthur had no idea what was going on with Merlin. Compared to the Questing Beast, the massage wasn't that big of a deal. To Arthur, it was just playing around.

But then Merlin had to go and actually give the massage. And look somewhat like a kicked puppy.

At first Arthur had wanted a foot massage, but by the time Merlin finished, Arthur wanted to know that Merlin was okay.

Which lead to him thinking more about his manservant.

Which lead to very annoying headaches. (And not at all a realization of unmanly feelings.)

	Why does love always feel like a battlefield? BATTLEFIELD MAYBE ALSO THIS SHOULD HAVE DEALT MORE WITH GWEN. BUT THIS WAS MORE ABOUT EPISODE 5. AND HOW LANCELOT AND MERLIN AND MERLIN AND ARTHUR... BUT YEAH... I HOPE PEOPLE LIKE THIS.
	You belonged with me OH MERLIN. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SOPHIA, BUT I DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO LOOK BACK AT WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE. BUT THEN, I SAW QUEEN GUINEVERE, AND IT FIT THEM BETTER. BUT I ALREADY DREW IT. URG. GWEN IS EPIC, BUT SHE NEEDS TO HURRY UP AND RUN OFF WITH LANCELOT SO ARTHUR AND MERLIN CAN BE TOGETHER. (BUT THEN AGAIN, GWEN ISN'T A HOE LIKE THE ANTAGONIST IN THE TAYLOR SWIFT SONG)

	are love They are! I'm serious. btw... if you can't read it, Arthur's saying, "Worst manservant ever." Rackle's favorite part: The intense make out scene. My favorite part: Merlin's angry nipples I don't own Merlin.
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	Friends Merlin and Gwen

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	Um... Exactly/